the best part of me was always you

I am taking a cue from my sweet Sam. She almost always uses song lyrics as titles to her posts. I have a lot of spare time at work to listen to the lyrics to the songs on our CD. My personal faves from today:

"I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing"


"Do you want the truth or something beautiful?
Just close your eyes and make believe
Do you want the truth or something beautiful?
I am happy to deceive you"

I feel like wallowing today. The past 36 hours have been really terrible. I went to a Super Bowl party and had a really great time last night. UNTIL...until I remember that my life has crumbled into a million urecognizable pieces. I had to bolt. I didn't tell anyone goodbye. I just left. I love that when I do go out, I am usually just up the street at one of my wonderful neighbors' houses and I can just run home. I came home and completely fell apart. I kind of surprised myself by how completely I fell apart. I just sat in his room all by myself and cried. I didn't want to feel better...I only wanted to be as sad and broken as possible. This morning was more of the same. I was getting dressed for work today and wanted to look as sad as I felt. Very little makeup and a super monotone outfit. I now understand why women wore black for a specific amount of time after a loved one died. The outside matches the inside. Driving to work, I couldn't imagine how I could pull it together. How can I fake it today? I love the kind of work I do, but today it was hard.

I am gonna let my old friend Bob Dylan sign us out tonight. He went through a weird phase for a while and I think this song is from that time, but the guy's got a point here...

When you're sad and when you're lonely and you haven't got a friend
Just remember that death is not the end
And all that you've held sacred, falls down and does not mend
Just remember that death is not the end
Not the end, not the end
Just remember that death is not the end

When you're standing at the crossroads that you cannot comprehend
Just remember that death is not the end
And all your dreams have vanished and you don't know what's up the bend
Just remember that death is not the end
Not the end, not the end
Just remember that death is not the end

When the storm clouds gather 'round you, and heavy rains descend
Just remember that death is not the end
And there's no one there to comfort you, with a helpin' hand to lend
Just remember that death is not the end
Not the end, not the end
Just remember that death is not the end

Oh, the tree of life is growing
Where the spirit never dies
And the bright light of salvation shines
In dark and empty skies

When the cities are on fire with the burning flesh of men
Just remember that death is not the end
And you search in vain to find just one law abiding citizen
Just remember that death is not the end
Not the end, not the end
Just remember that death is not the end