Monday, June 6, 2011

one year, six months, twelve hours

My Drewbie would have been 18 months old today. How different my world should be. I can't say I'm unhappy today...its been a good day in fact. I'm enjoying being pregnant with Andrew's little brother, Thomas. He's a squirmy little guy and I love feeling him move around all day. I'm 19 weeks today...most likely half-way through this one since Dr. Dulaney seems to be leaning toward inducing at 38-39 weeks.

Tomorrow I start therapy. I figured 18 months is long enough to try this on my own. I feel like I'm in a pretty even place dealing with losing Drew. I think I need to go for Thomas. I want to be the best momma I can for him...a happy, free Momma who isn't scared of everything. I don't want to be scared of the birth. I want to enjoy this time, enjoy his birth, enjoy his first few weeks. My sweet friend, Sam, just had her first baby and you can almost taste the joy she feels. I don't want to miss out on that. I don't want this to be overshadowed by the grief and pain that could kill it. We'll see how it goes...I feel happy with my decision to go.

Happy half birthday baby boy. Momma misses you every minute of every day. I wonder who you would you would smell...who you would look like.