Thursday, December 12, 2013

4 years

Hey there, baby boy. We're walking the days of your life again...4 years later. You turned 4 last Friday. I took the day off, stayed home with brother and sister and just enjoyed them. It was an icy day...we snuggled in tight and stayed in our PJs all day. Aunt Corinne came over for breakfast after Daddy left for work. Beth came over with lunch and a cookie for Thomas. She didn't realize it but she brought an orange flavored cookie from a little pastry shop in town. smelled like oranges on your last day. They used these little orange scented cloths to remove the sticky residue from the tape on your face so I could see you all cleaned up for the first and last time. Daddy came home early and we made dinner. Charles came over to eat with us. Super easy and sweet day. But, oh my, sweet boy, do I miss you. How badly I wish your birthday was the happy day it should be. I wish it weren't so fragile and delicate and sacred. I want balloons and cake and sticky kids hands to fill every December 6th for the rest of my life. I wish so badly things were different. Four years seems so crazy long and yet I can close my eyes and see every moment of your life and it feels so close. I hope that I never lose that. It would seem so cruel to lose those vivid memories...that they should be taken too when everything else that matters is already gone. Watch over us, my boy. You have two little siblings who need to feel your presence somehow. I can only tell them your story...your very brief story. They'll never rub your sweet little cheeks, never kiss your precious toes, never hold your tiny hands. But, please never worry that you won't be their brother. I will always tell your story. You will always always matter. 4 years, 14 years, 40 years from now...I will miss you, I will love you, I will remember you. Sending you every bit of my love to you, sweetest Drewbie.


  1. Happy 4th birthday to lovely Andrew. I don't think the vividness of him could ever be pried from your brain. All three of your kids are incredibly lucky to have you as their mom.

  2. So well written Lindsey, He's now a good looking little angel living with Jesus. One that has already got he's wings. Something we all hope, we get at the end of our brief time here. The LOVE for a child will never end, No matter what he will always be there looking over you guys. Your memory's of Andrew will always remain a huge part of who you are. I also can tell you the smell of him will just pop out of no were at times. You will know he's there. Take joy in that moment and realize he also will never forget you. He was a little trooper while he was here on earth and he will never be
    forgotten by all of us who knows you and Austin. Love you.
    Happy Birthday Andrew.

  3. So true. It's been 21 years since my nephew died at 14 months. We always treasure his birthday and my sister wished him his first legal beer! The memories are full and not forgotten.