Thursday, March 24, 2011

It moves

We had our third ultrasound yesterday and everything is moving along great. He (I only use he because it creeps me out to call a baby it) is growing so big and yesterday he did a little dance for us! I was able to see and HEAR the heartbeat...such a sweet sound! We won't go back for another two weeks because things are going really normally and she doesn't see much need for another weekly visit. I'll see this doctor just this one last time before I transfer back over to Dr. Dulaney for the rest of the pregnancy. I think I'm finally believing that this is actually real. I think the little movement yesterday made it all real. I remember watching little Andrew moving around in my belly on the ultrasounds before he was big enough for me to feel him. And then he turned into this real live little precious that I could hold and kiss. This baby is going to grow and be born, and hopefully, live and grow some more. I'm happy really really happy for the first time in so so long. I kind of feel like life is as right as it can be now. I still live every moment with the ache of what should have been, but I think Andrew would want me to let this new baby light up my spirit again. A friend of mine who lost her first little girl told me that when she was struggling to get pregnant again, that she always thought of her baby girl up in heaven picking out the perfect little brother or sister for her momma and daddy. That same sweet friend is at home now...tired and happy, caring for her sweet baby's new little sister who arrived a few short months ago. Life goes on and I'm so grateful for this new little wiggly life inside me. I'm not completely unaware of how quickly blissful happiness can turn into desperate emptiness, but for now, I choose to focus on the happiness I feel today.

Sweetest little Andrew, I miss you baby boy. Seeing your little brother or sister on these ultrasounds brings back so many happy memories of you. I'm so thankful for the comfortable, happy life I was able to give you while I was pregnant. The outside world was most definitely not kind to you and it was the greatest gift of my life to be able to give you a safe, warm place to grow and live. I love you sweet boy.


  1. Reading this made my day! I've been waiting on the day to hear you say "your happy".

    Lots of Love!

  2. Awe, so happy to hear you & baby are doing well. Hoping things continue smoothly!

  3. Hey Lindsey- Jamie Angelo here :) My heart aches for you and my heart is filled with joy for you at all the same time. I've kept you in my prayers daily since learning of sweet Andrew's short time here on Earth, but you are an amazing mother and incredibly strong woman to have kept the faith. I wish nothing but the absolute best for you, your husband and your family! <3

  4. Lindsey, I want you to know how happy I was to check on your blog today. You have been in my prayers for a long time and God brought you to mind this morning, and what wonderful news! We will cotinue to keep you guys in our prayers!

  5. Lindsey, I am so very HAPPY for you!!! YOU deserve to be happy and little Andrew is probably picking out which little brother or sister he wants YOU to have. He will always look over his siblings while he is in heaven. This I believe in!!Take care of yourself and I sure hope I get to come by your store and shop sometimes. I will definitely leave my husband elsewhere while I shop.
    Your friend, Cynthia Norland